She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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