i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
