I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
