Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
