Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
