Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
