You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
