I CAN MOONWALK!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize