The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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