I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
