We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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