You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
