my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
