dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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