the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
