apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
