he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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