make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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