Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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