Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize