Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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