I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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