I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
