i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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