At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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