I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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