I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
