The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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