your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
