that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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