My balls are so social today.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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