So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
