med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize