Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just puked most of my soul out..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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