Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
