Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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