I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
