No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
where are my eyebrows?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
