I am puke
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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