I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
