Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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