I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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