I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
