I hate your face
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Randomize
