I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
