last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
