I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize