When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
