He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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