Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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