She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
