I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize