Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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