im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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