sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
