Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize