I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
