so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
