I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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