your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
