my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
did i just pee glitter
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
