So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
