Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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