believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
