I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
