my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
