So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
