What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
