she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
