she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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