I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
