Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
