you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
