Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
what day is it and did you see me today?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
