need another drink. this is the easiest way
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my poor anus
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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