Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
