So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
