doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize