I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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