I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
