I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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