If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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