Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
