I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
