How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
