He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
