FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
