We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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