There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
