some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
